Below are the 19 most recent journal entries recorded in selimslla's LiveJournal:

Thursday, January 30th, 2003
8:59 pm	well its been awhile since ive written...ive been real busy...school swimming the usual. but tonite i realized something about myself...i am not worth the time i thought i mite be. i havent been this upset in so long. my heart has just been ripped out and the person who i trusted and told everything is at fault. i cannot believe it......normally i would b expecting this...but not THIS. why has this happened to me every day of my life. i hate my life. i hate myself. i cant seem to do anything right. and i probably sound pretty miserable....i am. im even sick to my stomach. what is it that i have to do? i need someone to tell me. something is very wrong and u cant tell me its not. i cant believe anything anyone tells me anymore and i dont think after this i trust anyone. i dont think i trust anyone with anything. i cant tell anyone anything b/c i always get hurt. its been going downhill since ive been back at school....very downhill...and now i think ive hit a very very all time low. and u know what keeping me from doing what ive done before...the only thing...is swimming. i wa nt to swim well, b/c frankly that is all i seem to have. and thats all i am to anyone...a good swimmer. i have never felt like this before. this is the last time too. i dont know why i would even think something like this could ever work out for me. cuz i know damn well it cant. i guess u could say im immature and maybe i am....i probably am. and if i wasnt so down on myself things would b better...well actually ive tried that and thigns arent better. they never will be. Current Mood: sad Current Music: silence (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, January 16th, 2003
6:51 pm	so its been awhile...im back at school...classes dont start til next tuesday but im here for swimming twice a day every day...gotta luv it. was down in florida before this to train...had my wisdom teeth out right before...over did it with swimming got infeccted EXTREME PAIN!! so that sucked hugely. anyway nothing really goin on here...same usual problems plagueing my ridiculous life....i decided im not gonan let these things stress me out this semester..but thats the gayest thing ive evr tried to do becuase ive already stressed myself out...pathetic! ahhh i dotn get it.....im hatin that but whatver... had a meet yesterday...sucked huge...real bad actually our whole team did...oh well...right? nope wrong not for me...im pissed....next meet on tuesday at fordham....anyway i need to lie down all this workin out if takin its toll on me hugely.... pppeeaaaaace! Current Mood: tired Current Music: no music....watchin tv (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 2nd, 2003
9:14 pm	the end. so my break is over. im leavin at 4:30 am tomorow. and b/c of my stupid teeth i havent seen all of my riends since last weeekend and now i wont see them til may probably. great. so although i ahd fun while i was home with my family, im sad i didnt get to see my friends that much and that sucks. swimming really does have a way of ruining things. stupid swimming. well maybe all this swimming is gonna make me skinny and fast..but it still doesnt make up for not hanging out with my friends! damnit stupid swimming. i guess if i didnt have 2 get up at 3:45 id go out but goin out at 10 doesnt leave me much room to do anything. whatever. i dont care. off to florida then back to marist. swimming sucks. maybe goin back to school something will go right!!!! :( g'bye everybody Current Mood: sad (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 1st, 2003
5:25 pm	i just want everyone to know the effects of vicodin are crrrrazy. i am so out of it and so bored. ive been lying on the couch watching tv for countless hours the past 3 days eating jello puding and other liquid lie foods. grrreat....wisdom teeeth surgey-quite possibly the best diet ever! haha anyway happy new years to everyone hope u had a good nite. i almost missed it. ha. i just lied here. yep. my face hurts a lot. and i look like a fat little chipmunk..so creeepy! ha. anyway if u can aleady tell my pain killers are def effecting my brrrrain i think. i better not type anymore, i may write omething else that makes no sense like this whole entry, weird. well before i go, i want to write that maybe things are ok ith this kid i like. i was reading in a magazine that good things come to those who wait. so maybe its better this way, that we are good friends. that maye we nee to get to know each other. maybe hes not one of those guys ho only wants a pice of ass. maybe he really is teh kind of guy i am interested in for real. so maybe i do have to wait and teh wit will b well worth it. but then again (here comes my usual hougths) maybe not...maybe all we will ever b is friends. can i deal with that? i think so...do i want that? no exactly. oh well only tme will tell i supose later taters Current Mood: groggy (Comment on this)
Sunday, December 29th, 2002
11:39 pm	not so sure... so im so glad to be home and im lovin it...and lovin hangin out with my friends...i really am. i wasnt really sure what it was gonna be like when i came home this time...i guess b/c of thanksgiving break...but i guess everytime i come home im afraid of my friends sort of. i dont really come home that much...like a couple weeks a year (b/c i stay at school in summer)...but im afraid i'll b forgotten about. i already feel like im drifting. i think we're all drifting or maybe its just me and i want it to be everyone so its not just me. sometimes i have so much fun but that past few times i felt like whatver. its just not the same anymore. and it makes me sad...i really love my friends and t home and school an now i dotn even feel like i know my friends at home...or even at school for that matter. i want to hang out and i love hanging out at home i just wish i hadnt missed out on so much this summer...it still bothers me. no matter what i feel like im just not good enough for some people. almost like i dont belong. also being home i have decided that this guy ive been going after is def just a friend...i am his "emotional outlet" it makes sense. i should've seen it...why else would a guy talk 2 me about his ex....i was just too caught up in the whole thing...like always... now that im home and i look around at all my friends...almost all hav significant others...even outside my close group of friends...they r all so happy and i am so happy that they r...and it makes me depressed...i know i keep going on and on about this but it consumes me every day. i honestly feeel like i need to change something about me and whatever eactly it is that people wnat in someone...and why i dont have even the smallest qualities...maybe ill never see it...i just dont like being so down all the time...because i am. and sometiems it scares me because this is how all of my problems started freshman year and it was awful and i dont want to go back to it and every day i consider it and i can feeel myself falling into the same patterns again....and the only thing really keeping me out is swimming..i want to do well...and its sad that that is the only thing keeping me up....and i cant promise that its goin to stay this way...it scares me, and i cant control it. i cant not be down on myself...oh man. and on a different note....im having surgery tomorrow...nothing big...takin out my 4 bastard impacted wisdom teeth.....lookin forward to the anesthesia...sleep! haha hopefully the headaches will stop and ill b in a better mood...despite the fact i wont be able to eat, swim, etc for a couple days.... *~goodnight~* Current Mood: blank Current Music: eminem... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
11:18 pm	not so sure... so im so glad to be home and im lovin it...and lovin hangin out with my friends...i really am. i wasnt really sure what it was gonna be like when i came home this time...i guess b/c of thanksgiving break...but i guess everytime i come home im afraid of my friends sort of. i dont really come home that much...like a couple weeks a year (b/c i stay at school in summer)...but im afraid i'll b forgotten about. i already feel like im drifting. i think we're all drifting or maybe its just me and i want it to be everyone so its not just me. sometimes i have so much fun but that past few times i felt like whatver. its just not the same anymore. and it makes me sad...i really love my friends and t home and school an now i dotn even feel like i know my friends at home...or even at school for that matter. i want to hang out and i love hanging out at home i just wish i hadnt missed out on so much this summer...it still bothers me. no matter what i feel like im just not good enough for some people. almost like i dont belong. also being home i have decided that this guy ive been going after is def just a friend...i am his "emotional outlet" it makes sense. i should've seen it...why else would a guy talk 2 me about his ex....i was just too caught up in the whole thing...like always... now that im home and i look around at all my friends...almost all hav significant others...even outside my close group of friends...they r all so happy and i am so happy that they r...and it makes me depressed...i know i keep going on and on about this but it consumes me every day. i honestly feeel like i need to change something about me and whatever eactly it is that people wnat in someone...and why i dont have even the smallest qualities...maybe ill never see it...i just dont like being so down all the time...because i am. and sometiems it scares me because this is how all of my problems started freshman year and it was awful and i dont want to go back to it and every day i consider it and i can feeel myself falling into the same patterns again....and the only thing really keeping me out is swimming..i want to do well...and its sad that that is the only thing keeping me up....and i cant promise that its goin to stay this way...it scares me, and i cant control it. i cant not be down on myself...oh man. and on a different note....im having surgery tomorrow...nothing big...takin out my 4 bastard impacted wisdom teeth.....lookin forward to the anesthesia...sleep! haha hopefully the headaches will stop and ill b in a better mood...despite the fact i wont be able to eat, swim, etc for a couple days.... *~goodnight~* Current Mood: blank Current Music: eminem... (Comment on this)
Monday, December 23rd, 2002
11:21 pm	heeheehee 1. What's your name: karen 2. What do you wish your name was: laqueesha or jamiraquya 3. How are you: soo sooo tired 4. Would you ever eat sushi?: ew yuck no 5. Would you ever eat sushi off a naked body?: sushi yuck! 6. Have you considered homosexuality?: NO never 7. What's your sexual preference?: hot boys! 8. What were you in a past life?: my guess...i'd have to say i think a snowflake 9. I punch you. Quick, what do you do?: bitch slap u upside the head mutha fucka! 10. When confronted with Britney Spears, you...?: turn around an walk away 11. What's your favorite coffee?: none gross! yuck. 12. What's your political perspective?: what? oh i guess i dont have 1 of those 13. Are you my Angel?: im everybodys angel...they just dont know yet 14. Do you consider yourself a poet?: no 15. What do you wanna be when you grow up?: a teacher 16. There's a naked man in your living room. What do you do?: depends on who he is...if hes hot or someone in particular i'd POUNCE ON HIM! HOP ON IT! 17. How stupid do you think you are?: ooo u dont even know 18. How stupid do other people think you are?: not so much 19. Who the hell do you think you are?: i dunno...ur fuckin mom? hehe 20. Is the Wonderbra good or bad?: what i dunno 22. What's your favorite fruit?: strawberrrries 23. Can you feel the love tonight?: not so much 24. On a nude beach, you would...?: make out haha just kiddin 25. Make up a story with yourself, a bridge, and a rabbit: once i was walking on a bridge ad saw a rabbit and i kicked it off the bridge...then i burned down the bridge to make a nice fire. then i went an got it and made rabbit soup out of it....the end :) 26. What do you think about contemporary art?: refer to question 17 27. Do you like being naked?: NO 28. If we had proof god didn't exist, what would happen?: um i dunnooooo 29. Do you enjoy cheeze whiz? mmm yep 30. What's your position on virginity?: i dont really have a position....but im not a lsut so im not gonna waste it on some fucked up asshole 31. On civil unions: these questions r gettin too smart for me 32. On RuPaul: thats nice 33. On mosquito bites: itchy itchy 34. On old sitcoms: no 35. On Fran Drescher: fuckin weird 36. Are you left handed or right handed?: righty 37. Are you smart?: no i wouldnt say so 38. What's your middle name?: mary 39. How many personalities do you have?: 64...they come out when they r talked to....jk 40. How many piercing do you have?: did have one...infected and took it out...now 0 41. What was your first word?: i still have spoken yet... 42. Are you superstitious?: yes 43. Do you read your horoscope?: yes 44. Do you believe in that stuff?: what the hell is goin on here...y dont i get any of these questions? 45. Can you do a cartwheel?: oh yeah im a regular ol olympic gymnast 46. Do you have contact lenses?: affirmative 47. Do you have a retainer or braces?: no 48. Can you drive?: yyeeeesss 49. Do you snore?: no but i sleep talk...kinda creepy huh? 50. Do you drool in your sleep?: sometimes 51.Do you lick your envelopes or use a sponge?: thats only one of the many great things my tongue can do.... 52. Do you keep a journal?: um hi 53. Do you like onions?: ew gross bleh 54. Do you like cotton candy?: yeeesssss SUGGAAAAr! 55. What instruments can you play?: none 56. Do you like to dance?: i like to dance like a ho! hehe 57. Do you like to sing?: no not so much 58. Are you any good at it?: well no 59. Do you like to talk on the phone?: no 60. Do you like where you live?: yes 61. Are you organized?: now and then 62. Do you sleep with socks on?: no way never! 63. Are you shy?: sometimes 64. Do you talk to yourself?: yes all the time...hehe 65. Are you a morning person?: yes. 66. Are you a virgin?: yup...still riding the v-train! 67. Are you proud of that?: not proud really like "hooray im a virgin im so strong and wont sleep with anyone til im married..." more like im just waiting for the right person (people hehe)...not a drunken slut kinda thing....im not really waiting i guess ive just never had the opporutnity maybe...ya know? 68. Do you believe in reincarnation?: rein...what? 69. Do you believe in God?: yes 70. Do you believe in ghosts?: yes 71. Do you believe in bigfoot?: maybe 72. How old do you wish you were?: 21 73. What will you name your daughter(s)?: oh i dunno 74. Son(s)?: o i dunno 75. Have you ever thought you were gonna die?: yes. 76. Where do you wanna go?: my bed 77. Where you see yourself going?: upstairs to bed Current Mood: sleepy (Comment on this)
10:59 pm	home at last! hung out with my MP friends last nite...had a great time...its great to be home! i missed my friends more than i knew...too bad i have to go back next week :( ran this morning...4 miles....swam 6700 yds....gotta stay in shape...im so tired now tho...christmas eve tomorrow! hoooray! i love christmas eve nite :) and christmas day too :) even toh i LOVE being home...i miss my school life too...missin my friends...missin...well, anyway ill b back there in swimming hell in no time! this weekend i had to stay at school to coach my little kiddies...they r adorable...anyway that kid i like satyed an extra nite....we hung out til 4am..it was great...nothing happned but we had fun...anyway tho i still dont get him...someone told me he liked my friend annie ast yr and he like satlked her....this is yet another reason y i am down on myself...if he liked me,,,,i'd know...she did and she was like "no...i dooont think so." and i cant say anything to him b/c i dont wanna ruin our friendship...cuz thats what will happen...o well...lifes tough that way i guess. well its bed time...so tired...as usual...up early to run and wim 2morrow... g'nite lovees Current Mood: sleepy (Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 18th, 2002
1:17 am	tonite so, i guess yesterday was just a moment of happiness or randomness....anyway tonite...me my friend karen and brian (thats him!) came over to hang out...at 1st it was just gonna b me and fleck (karen)...but brian IMed me from the library and wanted to come over...even tho he had to do work before....but anyway...we hung out for awhile...then fleck sed she was leaving...and brian stayed :) but 5 mins later he left...so i went downstairs with him...and he just...LEAVES...like "alright, bye" and left. WTF :( at least before i got goood hgus and stuff...but now its even worse...i am so totally convinced that he comes to see my hosuemates...totally convinced...i was takin apicture and he insisted on being in one with my hosuemate kristen....weird...actually, no...normal! WTF why me? oh well...so much for the good mood...life sucks sometimes...or in my case...always....gotta love it! :( Current Mood: sad Current Music: christmas music (Comment on this)
Monday, December 16th, 2002
9:43 am	been awhile... so i havent written in forever..ive been busy as hell...working swimming and partyin it up! the past few weeks have been pretty good overall with a few minor hangups...no biggie...anyway this weeknd was off the hook! haha my fr was friend henry had a party and it was byob sooooo...me my friends liz, john, brian, and jamie brought a keg and 5 cups! hahahaha lovin life saturday nite hahah....i won 7 games of beer pong in a row...whos a champ now? and me and jamie played a game...who could make out the most....i lost 3-1&1/2....i person :) promised before he left but we both passed out haha on the front steps waitin for our ride so that didnt work out hahaha...but the nite was good...i went home happy basically. ive got 2 more finals...open book hooray! last week i had 2 other ones in class...studied a lot, did well....and i got exempt from another cuz i got As on all my tests...yyyyyeeeeeeeaaaaaah! so i went to practice this morning....only 2 of us there..hahaha..its optional this week, but i checked up on some results of other people in my conference and im 4th in the 1000...1st in 1650....4th in 500...no good..i need to be first all the way across...i cant afford to miss any practices...so despite being completely exhausted i got there and ill b back there this afternoon...my goal: win 500, 1000, and 1650...set school records in all 3 and set conference records in 1000 and 1650. yeah the goals may b high but i dont care. the 3 people in front of me are onyl a couple seconds up on me...and in 40 laps that like kicking extra hard the last 5 yards of the race. so ive got a lot to do from now til february but im ready! bring it!! oh so my boy situation..its kinda like stable i guess..he comes over a lot...we played beer pong the other nite..partners of course and i beat him sat nite hahahah...hes comin over 2morrow nite...but nothins really happenin....maybe we're just good friends ....the usual...but hey hes a great friend still so its ok...(he was my 1/2 from sat nite hahah) hes also stayin friday nite...we're stayin at the guys house...hes stayin there too...;) i guess if its meant to be, it will be...i hate that quote but whatever....last nite kristens bf came over nad they r so cuute...im so jealous of them! any advice? oh welll.. anyway i best review for my open book finals hahaha....my poor roomate hates me i think...hehe she has a ton of finals...hard ones, like p.chem or something? and stuff like that... i dont even know what they mean haha...have a good day! Current Mood: awake Current Music: big daddy soundtrack (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, December 2nd, 2002
10:27 pm	what is wrng with me? what is so terrible about me? why am i 2nd to everyone else. im a good friend when its conveneient or so it seems. im sick of being the "funny girl." "just be urself" i am myself and that doesnt work, havent ya noticed. i dont know what im doing wrong. i feel like i have to compete with my friends...that is bad. but i do. im not the one who gets noticed...im "the friend." i hate being the friend. i hate being me. why is it i like someone so i try and i do whatver it is ur supposed to do. but it doesnt work for me. im so jealous i guess of my friends...bf of 5 yrs...gettin married when they graduate...bf of yr and 1/2, bf of 3 yrs. guys callin and stuff for my roomate, guys filtering in and out of my hosuemates. yet i like one simple person and they cant like me. i know im not a stick figure, but i could be. and im dont have the $ to buy the trendy exppensive clothes. and i even let him get to know me and that didnt even work. there has to be something wrong with me. very wrong. people tell me theres not but do they ever wonder why i have ony had 1 boyfriend, 5 yrs ago, and neevr again? i wonder ever day. too bad it consumes my life, huh? id consider myself one miserable person right now. things rnt just going my way. and i guess u can say that guys arent everything but right now maybe thats what i want. somone to love me like they love my friends, smeone to call me to say hi, someone to call me and see if i wanna go out that nite or something. im just jealous. but i guess i shouldnt be. i shouldnt let this take over my life but i do. and it makes me sadder evry day..and u know what no one really understands...unless ur really in my position u dont understand how i feel right now Current Mood: depressed (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, November 28th, 2002
10:13 pm	im mad and sick of people thinking they know everything. im sick of people fighting over ridiculous things. im sick of when people offend me. im sick of people not knowing what they r saying. im sick of people who think money is the only thing that will make u happy (i will never make a lot of money and nevr hav had alot of money and i am very happy! when u hav no oneone who loves u then u tell me how happy u r with ur tupid money. sorry for doing something i love...i will be happy) im sick of people who talk down about others. im sick of people taking for granted everything they have. im sick of people thinking they r so much better than others, even sometimes their friends. so glad a great time that i had been looking forward to ith my friends SUCKED. that i was so offended and really pissed off by things some of my friends can say. great. things like this make my decision to stay at school or not in the summer so much easier (this doesnt apply to evreyone). have a good rest of the vacation and good luck back at school the rest of the year. Current Mood: infuriated Current Music: im on my way - Shrek (Comment on this)
9:47 pm	turkey holocaust...gobble gobble so last nite,..to my friends sorry i left, but i was pissed! u probably didnt even notice, but o well. well thre r some people, well one, who really piss me off. im sick of people thinking they ar so much better than others. word of advice for people: dont talk about things u dont really know about. and u to get this out there...money wont always make u ahppy. when ur out there making a shitload of money and u have nobody then tell me how happy ull b. when all u care about is ur money an what u can buy with it and then u lose ur friends, will u b hapy then? i wouldnt. right now i barely have any money...and i never will b/c my future plans just arent looking good for money...but u know what i dotn care. i will b happy with my life and ith what i do. i will b happy knowing i hve friends and people who love me...granted i may not be able to drive a bmw or travel the world, but i will b happy. and it makes me angry that people r so focused on money and think its the biggest necessity of life. and another thing...stop talking about people who u dont know anythign about. there r some people who are not as fortunate to have had and have everything we have. and there is nothing they can do about it. they were raised a certain way and there r some thigns they r just brought up to know. and maybe they never got the education they could have, but whose fault is that? u cant tell me that society is totally accepting people who are from a lower economic status...u have no idea here they come from or what is going on in their lives so dont pretend that u do and stop saying things that u dont even know about. its all bullshit. i dont even know why we hav to fight over stupid things...but its nights like those that make my decision to stay at school this summer all the easier...an sometimes ur right i cant hold a grudge but right now i am...and im pissed, and kinda offended...maybe it will pass...lets hope so...i missed everyone a lot and miss hangin out with u guys, but i hate shit like this...i hope i didnt lose some friends who i cant imagine losing. Current Mood: infuriated Current Music: im on my way - Shrek (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 19th, 2002
3:58 pm	so its been awhile..im still dealing with the usual...things r looking brighter tho with my guy situation....maybe not tho...i think maybe i am reading into it too much....when i honestl think about it i think, y would he like me? i dont have half as much as other people around me so i just figure he's being nice and im reading into it. yeah great. on a lighter note....my swim coach keeps giving me all these compliments with ym swimming....and so is the guys' coach...i got asked to stay here again this summer to train here. its a possibility. so even tho i hate my coach with the flames of a thousand suns and wish i could run her over with a truck...those compliments help. and even today after practice 3 of the seniors (3 of my best friends) and me were talking to the ho-bag cooach we had...and she was asking us questions and asked who was the best swimmer we knew...and they all sed me :) that meant a lot to me...thanks guys :) anyway this summer...i may stay here again...i'd be trainign with the guys coach...who is an amazing coach. he made me a stronger swimmer than ive ever been..i dont know yet tho. i missed my friends at home more than anything and when i camae back things just werent the same...i dont think i really fit in anymore...it was weird. so maybe the best thing is to stay here...i dont want to say i should move on b/c idont want to...i love my friends at home (u know who u r). but i onyl have 1 1/2 yrs left of swimming. alos i gotta consider the fact im not allowed to live on campus in the summer b/c ive been a bad girl this year...whoops. but aside from that i rally dont know whaty to do...swimming is so important right now...and training here would b the best thing for me...but i would miss my friends and risk losing them b/c well its hard to explain...and id miss my family...i dunno...help me out please! Current Mood: confused Current Music: meredith brooks - Bitch (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, November 14th, 2002
8:45 pm	taken from kev... 1. WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? 5:30...time to swim!!! 2. IF YOU COULD EAT LUNCH WITH ONE FAMOUS PERSON, WHO WOULD IT BE? freddie prinz...hes so hot!!! 3. GOLD OR SILVER? silver 4.WHAT WAS THE LAST FILM YOU SAW AT THE CINEMA? Sweet Home Alabama...but tomorrow it will be Harry Potter! yay! 5. FAVORITE TV SHOW? The Bachelor...havent missed it yet! 6. WHAT DO YOU HAVE FOR BREAKFAST? roll w/cream cheese or wheaties 7. WHO WOULD YOU HATE TO BE LEFT IN A ROOM WITH? christine honig! 8. CAN YOU TOUCH YOUR NOSE WITH YOUR TONUE? nopers 9. WHAT INSPIRES YOU? lots of things...my family, friends, and all those people who do ironmans! 10. WHAT'S YOUR MIDDLE NAME? Mary 11. BEACH, CITY, Or COUNTRY? send me to the beach! 12. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer baby! 13. FAVORITE ICE CREAM? mint chocolate chip...could u expect anythign less? 14. BUTTERED, SALTED OR PLAIN POPCORN? load on the butter...pile on the salt 15. FAVORITE COLOR? purple 16. FAVORITE CAR? hmmm...nissan xterra 17. FAVORITE SANDWICH FILLING? well, i like american cheese...but plain nothing else 18. TRUE LOVE? yeah i believe in it...im just waiting, patiently 19. WHAT CHARACTERISTICS DO YOU DESPISE? annoying people who have themselves way up on a pedastal, who really arent 20. FAVORITE FLOWER? daisy 21. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU HAD A BIG WIN IN THE LOTTERY? buy a car....pay off my school loans...give a ton to my family to help them out, then help pay my sister and brothers school loans 22. FIZZY OR STILL WATER AS A DRINK? plain still water 23. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHROOM? white 24. HOW MANY KEYS ON YOUR KEY RING? five 25. WHERE WOULD YOU RETIRE TO? montauk...long island 26. CAN YOU JUGGLE? IF YES HOW MANY? yup...but only 3...i taught myself 27. FAVORITE DAY OF THE Week? wednesdays....no classes...then sunday...no practice 28. RED OR WHITE WINE? hmmm...white i guess 29. WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOUR LAST BIRTHDAY? went out, got wasted...waitin now for the big 21 30. WHO DO YOU LEAST EXPECT TO REPLY TO THIS? (OR PUT IT IN THEIR LJ)? probably everyone 31. WHO IS THE PERSON YOU EXPECT TO REPLY TO THIS? (OR PUT IT IN THEIR LJ)? nobody Current Mood: sleepy Current Music: eminem (Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 13th, 2002
9:00 pm	so i started my runnign back up.....it was a rough 7 miles.....1st run back since the marathon....my legs are recovered compeltely....minus the huge weird bump on my leg from falling down the stairs. anyway, im determined to qualify for boston...i need to do a half marathon in 1:31...i can do that...7:00 miles. no problem! and if not then then in chicago next october...gotta go 3:40 other than that i gotta work on my swimming....i so determined to break these 2 school records and conference records (in the 1000 and 1650) im gettin there...but so is this other girl in the conference...i have to beat her...guess it just means ill have to practice even harder and faster and more! bring it on! so at least some part of my life is going somewhere.... so today since i dont have classes wednesday i laid in bed all day watching lifetime (i know, pathetic) watchign wedding story...made me so sad...dont wanna be alone all my life...but so far, my history is not going well....why is this so difficult for me to be with someone.....i like someone but cant tell him b/c every time something has accidently gotten out thru my friends..i get rejected.....always....so i havent told any of my friends here...good. now i can do what i want. except my friend kristen..she figured it out...shes good at that. guys fall all over her.....all the time...i dunno how she does it...not fair! im gettin really frustrated....hearing all these stupid stories from everyone who is with whoever..and all my friends having guys folow them everywhere! its not fair...there has to be something wrong me...something very wrong..that isnt wrong with anyone else. i dont get it? someones gotta help me out :( Current Mood: determined Current Music: britney spears (Comment on this)
12:38 am	so today was a rough day...in the pool by 6am...classes right after til 3:15..then travelled to iona for a meet...just got home....my times were ok...but im pissed because i got touched out and i lost...i hate losing!!! tomorrow i officially start training again for marathons...i did my one day for each mile...26 days...let the fun begin...i think ill start out with 6-7 miles...sunday im gonna go for a long one...hopefully about 13ish miles...gotta get back in the game.... so school is a nightmare...i didnt get all my classes... this kid i like i cant figure him out! rahhhh! im too shy with this business and im getting to see that he may be too...so frusterating....anyway ive gotta get some sleep...my housemates will b calling me at an insane hour for a ride home ina couple hours....and being the nice, too tired to go out housemate that i am...ill go pick them up! g*nite (Comment on this)
Monday, November 4th, 2002
7:00 pm	this day has been so long...well ok so every day during the week is long....swim practice at 5:30 am...4 classes straight to practice #2 at 2:00...then coaching my little kiddies...and finally home...im so tired and frusterated with everything. classes are not going well at all...swimming is alright...and i am getting severly frusterated with the opposite sex...WTF! i wish they could just explain it to me...straight out! its been so long since anything has really gone right for me. i need to start runnign again...less than a year til my next marathon plus i need to burn off some extra calories....too bad it gets dark before i get home...i leave when its dark and i get home when its dark...crazy! i better start doin some work or im gonna just make things worse...i just want to sleep all day...not have classes and not have to deal with everything outside! AGGGHHHHH!!!! Current Mood: drained Current Music: Hero - enrique iglesias (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 3rd, 2002
5:21 pm	so lets see since this is the first time ive written...i'll tell u about myself...i swim division 1...im a elementary education major...i coach 10 and unders on a club swim team...i ran a marathon, i love running, i do triathlons (soon i'll be doing my first ironman). thats about it. this weekend was the worst...i had to coach my little kiddies all day...7:30-5 both days of the weeknd...(even tho i luv them im frusterated and exhausted!) friday nite was freshman initiation...almost killed them..whoops. and i am so down on myself its killing me. i really really just want something to go right for me...im just the average one always, in everything. i'm always the one who's "just a good friend and fun to hang out with" but not good enough for anything else (what exactly constitutes being 1 step up from "just good friends" in a guys mind?????) always the average grades. always the average when i do just about everything. o well. i guess im just down on myself about the whole gguy situation...u'd think by now i would b used to being so rejected...contrary to what u mite think...u just dont get used to that feeling...especially when ur bestest friends in the world are always on top of everyones lists....i guess i just make them look better...oooo welll... thats all... later taters Current Mood: distressed (1 Comment |Comment on this)